Rigby-Rousta Conversations: The Responsibility of Friendship

A good friend, mentor or teacher is one who will be honest with you at all costs, while maintaining compassion and non-judgment.  It is quite difficult to hold this space for others, and I am grateful that Bob Rigby has done so for me.  Below is another example of a “harsh” but honest observation by Rigby in response to an email that I sent him, discussing some of my internal conflicts and issues.

[Via Email, On December 18, 2002]

Arman,

I will hold up for you the inconsistencies and/or conflicts that I have identified in what you wrote.  First of all you stated that you are clear about your priorities yet you admit confusion regarding the appropriate coarse of action.  If you are so clear about your priorities then list them in order of imporance for you, me and the world to see.  Secondly, until you truly commit to knowing yourself and embrace the inner (and outer) work that is entailed, you will stumble from one relationship to the next never clearly understanding why the passion/interest sizzled.

If you were and are clear about your priorities and don’t want to hurt anyone how can you explain your behavior last week (by the way you caused much more pain/damage to yourself than you BELIEVE you caused others)?  You are obviously conflicted by the decision you must make regarding that situation.  You need to hold this conflict up to your awareness and ask why you are confused/conflicted.  This will prove to be much more beneficial and/or enlightening than asking others for their perspectives/opinions.  You have to figure out what makes you tick not what others think or feel.

You are still putting one toe in the water  when it comes to totally commiting to the spiritual path regardless of the price it may have in any or all areas of your life.This is your absolute right and freedom however (as one who has tried to get in the game without paying for the ticket) I can unconditionally state to you that if you have priorities that are higher up the list than seeking Truth you will continue to be confused and will search for feel good (spiritual) teachings that you will discard like an old suit (or relationship for that matter) when they no longer soothe your angst or emptiness.

The suffering you are experiencing in terms of what should you do is your higher self challenging you to really look at yourself (most importantly seeing through what you are not) and either fish or cut bait.  To live a congruent spiritual life requires tremendous commitment, energy and a willingness to suffer greatly as you walk the razor’s edge of your moment to moment decision making processes.  Please understand that I am in no way being judgmental of you (I am in no position to) however you have honestly requested my input.  My responsibility to you lies in being as truthful and honest as it is within my capability to do so.  Also look at the stressors you identified that contributed to the issues that arose in the referenced interaction.  Again there is a goldmine of information for you if you are willing to do the perilous work of introspection and self-analysis.  Believe me this work (a total commitment to finding and living Truth) is not for the feint of heart or head.  You can take all the time you want to make this decision although there are no guarantees whatsoever that when you finally get to the point of making that commitment you will be in a position to have the time, energy or resources to do so.  All that I can tell you through my own experience is that you can’t have it both ways because it just wont work.  I sure as Hell tried!  As long as you have even one toe in the water you will continue to struggle with the conflict of the day because you are not living congruently with the vision you hold (you think/talk about) of a better possibility.  You can’t win the prize trying to hedge your bets.  Your belief that you can win the pot of gold, have the beauty on your arm, be successful and (oh yes) accomplish this all by selflessly serving humanity says more about your priorities than you think.

Remember the spirit that I extend this to you.  I consider you a friend and I take this responsibility seriously.  I know the pain of confusion and the fear of really taking the risk of looking through and acknowledging your own B.S.  This is the process through which you can acquire the Holy Grail/open sesame if you so decide.  The decision is yours.

Bob [Rigby]